Collaborating with the Enemy: How to Work with People You Don’t Agree with or Like or Trust by Adam Kahane.
Book is a guide to navigating difficult collaborations in a world where conflict, differing perspectives, and distrust are inevitable. Kahane draws from his extensive experience in conflict resolution to show how people with opposing viewpoints can still collaborate to solve complex, high-stakes problems. The book challenges traditional approaches to collaboration and offers a more flexible, adaptive strategy for working together effectively despite deep differences.
Here are 10 lessons from the book:
1. Collaboration isn’t about agreement: Kahane argues that collaboration does not require everyone to agree on everything. Instead, effective collaboration can still occur despite significant differences in goals, opinions, or values. The key is finding ways to move forward together even when disagreements remain.
2. Flexible collaboration: Instead of rigid, top-down collaboration models, Kahane advocates for a more flexible, evolving approach. He calls this “stretch collaboration,” which involves adapting your strategies and being open to change as new challenges arise.
3. Embrace conflict and tension: Kahane emphasizes that conflict and tension are natural parts of collaboration, especially when working with people you don't agree with. Instead of avoiding or suppressing conflict, it’s important to engage with it constructively, as it can lead to better solutions and deeper understanding.
4. Let go of control: Traditional collaboration often involves trying to control the process and outcomes, but Kahane suggests letting go of this need for control. By allowing the process to unfold organically and being open to unexpected results, collaboration can become more effective and creative.
5. Learning to work with people you don’t trust: Kahane highlights that trust is not a prerequisite for collaboration. While trust can help, it’s possible to collaborate successfully even when trust is absent. What’s important is focusing on shared goals and being willing to engage with the process despite mistrust.
6. The power of listening: One of the most effective ways to collaborate with those you disagree with is through active listening. Kahane encourages listening to understand, rather than to rebut or argue. This approach helps create space for meaningful dialogue and opens up possibilities for cooperation.
7. Partial solutions are valuable: In complex situations, it’s often impossible to find a perfect solution that satisfies everyone. Kahane argues that partial, imperfect solutions can still be worthwhile and that incremental progress should be valued. Collaborators can build on these partial successes over time.
8. Shared experimentation: Collaboration in difficult situations requires experimentation and trial-and-error. Kahane advises approaching collaboration as a shared experiment where participants try out different ideas and approaches, learning from mistakes and successes along the way.
9. Be willing to adapt and compromise: Successful collaboration requires flexibility and the willingness to change your stance or compromise on certain issues. Kahane encourages collaborators to be open to shifting their positions in response to new insights or changing circumstances.
10. Collaboration is a process, not a destination: Kahane reminds us that collaboration is an ongoing process, not a one-time event with a fixed outcome. As circumstances change and new challenges arise, the collaboration will need to evolve, and participants must be willing to keep working through difficulties over time.
In Collaborating with the Enemy, Kahane provides a fresh, realistic perspective on how to work with people you may not like, agree with, or trust. He offers practical tools for navigating the messiness of collaboration, showing that despite differences, it is possible to achieve meaningful results when people are willing to engage flexibly and adaptively.
D.G.Shastri